Shitty moods = Shitty nights

I'm frustrated, I'm confused, I'm exhausted, I'm lonely, I'm homesick, I'm crabby, I'm bored, and a whole bunch of other shit...
I've been in the weirdest mood for probably about a week. I'm moody and I've been worrying about the dumbest things nonstop. I haven't been getting sleep because I lay there thinking and being nervous about everything and I'm constantly dragging because of that. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything.
I know that I always complain about guys, but honestly I don't get them at all. WHY CAN'T GUYS JUST TELL US WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THEIR HEADS?! If I'm wasting my time, just tell me and it would make my life ten times easier because at least I could start moving on. I wouldn't even be a bitch about it if a guy was just completely straight with me. I would much rather have a guy tell me the truth than keep me guessing and wondering and worrying.
I don't want to sound like a whiney bitch who always just talks about how I can't get a guy, but it really makes me question myself sometimes. What's wrong with me that guys always go running away? What do other girls have that I don't? What do I do wrong everytime I like someone? Am I unlovable? And I don't just mean by friends - I mean by a guy. Will I ever be able to find a guy who loves me, who wants to hang out with me all the time, who wants to act stupid and lay around and go out with me? Will I be able to find someone who I can trust, who can trust me, who can confide in me, who can be proud to call me his girlfriend? As of right now, things seem pretty damn hopeless. I dont want anyone's sympathy. In fact, that's the last thing I want. I just want a good guy. Apparently that's too much to ask for though....

I miss...

I'm just sitting here going through all of my old notes and pictures and stuff from gradeschool. I miss those days sooo much. I miss the times when I knew every kid in my school and was friends with everyone because there wasn't any drama. I miss the innocence and the times where a kiss from a boy was a big deal. I miss the times when I'd get butterflies in my stomach just from talking to the boy I liked. I miss my first love. I miss the nights spent playing "kick the can" and "ghost in the graveyard." I miss the forts my friends and I would build in our basements in the summer. I miss climbing trees. I miss being perfectly content with spending everynight just hanging out and playing and talking with friends. I miss the days when nobody had to get drunk to have fun. I miss the guys that I used to hang out with who could make me laugh nonstop for hours. I miss the girls that I used to have slumber parties with, watch movies with, eat tons of junkfood with, and talk about boys all night long with. I miss my old teachers. I miss playing "7-up" and "around the world." I miss getting ready for dances for hours, thinking I looked good (even though I now wonder why the hell I thought pleather snakeskin pants were "hot" when really they were just literally hot), and having the time of my life just dancing with my friends and taking pictures all night long. I miss the days when I didn't have a care in the world. I miss the days when I didn't have to worry about anything besides where a "bug house" was so that I could catch fireflies at night. I miss living day-to-day and not thinking so much about the future. I miss really living life.